Category Archives: My Attempts at Humor

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Green Party’s Vision: A Paradise Called United States of Moronica

Jill Stein says “it’s time for Medicare for ALL!”

How? At whose expense? What did the US government do right with healthcare and social security in the past that says they can pull off a system of universal healthcare in the future? Of course, for these answers you’d have to take some basic courses in the most irrelevant and boring subjects of all: economics and business planning. Why would you ever do that?

Another article about her says, “Stein has promised a Green New Deal for America if elected, including an Economic Bill of Rights that ends ‘indentured servitude’ for college students.”

Of course, they can use the phrase “indentured servitude” as they see fit, because using it the right way would require them to do another boring and irrelevant thing: refer to the dictionary! Sheesh, who wants that!

I say if you get yourself into debt that you can’t repay, just vote for a president who can forgive it. No responsibility; and why should you have responsibility when your own wannabe president uses terms loosely and offers you free medicare at someone else’s expense? Presidents (or aspiring ones) really do lead by example, don’t they?

Continue reading →

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The Genius (Evil?) of Commercial Software Licenses

Imagine yourself in a skirmish where you’re the one holding the gun while your opponent stands unarmed; imagine the power it gives you. Now imagine taking that gun and shooting yourself in the foot.

That’s similar to what IBM did when a very small company named Microsoft sold them — nay, “licensed” — an operating system Microsoft didn’t even own. Sounds stupid? It should, because it really was.

Of course, you can’t blame a guy for being dumb, but what IBM did back then created a tidal wave of bad business for the consumer, which has engulfed the whole world today. And the worst part of it all is that most of us don’t even realize what a bad deal we get when we purchase a typical software license.

To give you a perspective, here’s an example: Continue reading →

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Resumian: The Rise of a New Language

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been through more than 200 resumes and taken over 100 interviews. To say that it’s been quite an amusing experience is a major understatement. I thought resumes and interviews are meant to be a means for an interviewer to understand who the candidate is, what is it that they’re looking for when they apply for a job, and what’s the value they can bring to the table for you. Well, what do I know!

It’s like there’s a whole new purpose for a resume and a different language out there that people use . They’re not lying to you, they’re just speaking  Resumian, (yep, I coined that word) when they make what appear to you like “tall claims”. Here are some of the examples:

Resumian: “Objective: To work in a challenging and competitive environment where I can make the best use of my ability to enhance my skills and be beneficial to the organization at the same time for mine and the organization’s long-term development.”

English: Basically I don’t know what the hell I want to do in my life, and I have a lot of time on my hands to write crap like that, which I don’t even mean. I don’t particularly expect you to waste your time reading it; it’s just meant to add “depth” to my resume

Resumian: I’m proficient at using MS Office

English: I think MS Office consists only of Word, Excel, and Powerpoint, and all I know about them is that Word is used to prepare documents, Excel is used to work on mathematical stuff, and Powerpoint is used to make presentations.

Resumian: I know about it but it was so long ago that I’m gonna have to brush up my knowledge

English: Haha, I just read that something like this exists in some course in school, but I think you’re so dumb that I’m gonna get away with it.

Resumian: “Knowledge of C, C++, Java” on a resume of a person applying for an Online Marketing profile

English: Now c’mon, you’re into online marketing. What do you care if I really know these languages. They’re just here to fill up space and make me look smarter.

Resumian: “Expert” in some aspect of business like a SWOT analysis etc. on the resume of a candidate with no work experience

English: I have never actually done it. I just learnt about it in school, but no one can possibly expect me to do that in 15 minutes during the interview. So yeah, I’m an expert at it.

Resumian: “Summer Project: Study of the xyz market”

English: I didn’t do a damn thing in my so called study; just copied stuff off the Internet and pasted it in my report. See? That proves I know how to use Google, so I’m perfect for your job.

Resumian: The abovementioned information is true to the best of my knowledge

English: You can’t be serious about this information. I mean, haven’t you read the rest of my resume?

There are possibly a million more examples, but these are the ones that I’ve seen most commonly used. It’s fun learning a new language, isn’t it?